Crossing Over

Crossing Over.

Crossing Over

FOOD FOR THE SOUL

 I am not afraid to die!  Hopefully that time will come much much later in my life, but when that day comes I will welcome it.  Please don’t misconstrue my words, I am not depressed, nor do I want to die…. I just mean that I am not afraid to die.  When I first graduated from nursing school I worked in the nursing home a few blocks from home.  I was only going to stay until I could find a better job, possible one with weekends and holidays off?  Working in a nursing home if hard backbreaking work, but the trade-off is that you have the honor of caring for people, some  who are nearing the end of their lives.  My career there lasted for 11 years, and I was humbled to be in the presence of many who took their last breath and “crossed over.”  I always felt I did my best nursing when I was able to care for those who were about to embark on the beginning of their eternal life.  The life that they were prepared for, because they knew that this life was temporary, and the next life would be forever.  There would be no more pain, no more suffering, just a wonderful life beyond anything they had ever imagined.

  Over the years there have been those patients that just leave a mark on your heart, and leave a message that verifies what I know will happen when we pass on.  I went into one of my cherished patients room one evening to give her bedtime medications.  She took her medication, and I took care to be sure she was comfortable and tucked in for the night.  She was at a spry age of 93, and was still as sharp as a tack.  She had me sit at her bedside because she had something to tell me.  I was so busy, but I took the time to sit on the edge of the bed knowing she needed to share something important.  She took my hand and announced…”Honey, Tomorrow I am going to die!”  Just like that…as simple as telling me that she needed her pillow propped up.  I looked into her beautiful face and asked how she knew that, because she seemed to be in stable condition, even for her age.  She just smiled and squeezed my hand, and  told me that Jesus had visited her last night.  She said the room was filled with a bright light and He sat with her and told her that she would be standing before the  gates of heaven very soon.  I had chills, and started to tell her that perhaps she was dreaming?  She smiled at me and told me that this was the moment that people wait in earnest for, and she was ready.  I smiled at her and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and wished her a good nights sleep, wondering if I would see my favorite lady when I returned to work in a few days.  When I returned to work, I learned that she had died in her sleep about 5am, the day after we had spoken.  I can’t tell you what that does to your psyche…I was raised as a Christian, but at the young age of 23, this was very foreign to me.

  About 5 years later I was caring for a man who was suffering horribly from bone cancer.  He would just cry when I would enter the room, and beg me not to move him.  I would quietly tell him that I was so sorry, but we needed to change his position in the bed to prevent pressure sores, and that we would try our best to make the move as painless as possible.  I knew that even the slightest movement caused excruciating pain, but it couldn’t be helped.  The CNA and I would plan the easiest way to turn him over before we started, using folded sheets placed under his torso that would help us cradle him while we repositioned him.  We would move as gently as we could and he would try to be strong, but always ended crying out in pain.  One afternoon his breathing became shallow, and his blood pressure was slowly going down.  His kidneys were not functioning at all, and the time was coming when he was going to leave us.  I called his son, who lived about an hour away, and I strongly suggested that he try to come as soon as possible.  He said he had some things to finish up, and then he would come.  We didn’t move him much that day, at that point comfort was the number one thought for me.  He kept asking for his son, and I kept telling him to hang on, he was coming.  His pulse and blood pressure continued to fall, and his breathing became labored.  He seemed to sleep peacefully for about an hour, then woke up and said “Shelly, thank you for calling my family to come to see me. It is so nice to see the room full of so many people.”  He was smiling from ear to ear, and the pain seemed to be gone.  I looked around the room and there was no one there but he and I.  I told him that his son should be arriving soon, try to hang in there because he wanted to see him.  At that moment he looked beyond me and seemed to survey the room, smiling and nodding his head as if saying hello, and then died.  His son arrived shortly after his death and I explained what had happened.  He said he wasn’t surprised, and was sure his mother was there to meet his father, as well has his whole family who had previously passed.  He said the exact thing had happened when his mother had passed away, and his dad told the story many times.  Perhaps his dad had told the story so many times that he truly felt there were people in the room, or the cancer had affected his brain, perhaps the adverse effects of the  pain medication, or maybe he was having delusions?  All I can tell you is that there was such a feeling of love and warmth in that room when he took his last breath that I will never fear crossing that bridge into the next chapter of my life ♥

PS: My intention with this blog is not depress any of my readers,  but I want my experiences to give some hope to those who have lost loved ones and are struggling.  I have experienced many of these moments and may write about some more of them at a later date.

A Party Without Balloons Please…..

A Party Without Balloons Please…...

A Party Without Balloons Please…..

FOOD FOR THE SOUL

 Yesterday my beautiful granddaughter turned one…yesterday her Nonnie had about 14 heart attacks at the party.  I left work early and drove 45 minutes home, picked up Maddie and then drove another 40 minutes to the party.  No problem…anything for the babies.  We joined the party, already in progress, and I found a spot amongst the people to wait for the birthday girl to finish her lunch so we could have cake.  The room was decorated with a pink tablecloth and there was a beautiful cake in the center and a little cake in the fridge for Lilly to “dig into.”  There were numerous kids of all ages running and playing, along with many adult conversations going on at the same time.  The party was a hit!  Until…………my ex-husbands new wife (who I am becoming fast friends with) went out to their car and walked in with 2 bunches of helium balloons.  I almost fainted in the spot!  Heres the scoop….this Nonnie is deathly afraid of balloons.  Yep, it’s silly, and rediculous…but that’s the way it has been for as long as I remember.  Of course only a few close family members know of my fear, so I tried to find a corner to fold myself into while the balloons were being uncovered.  Mary announced that she got them for a good price, so decided to get 2 dozen instead of 1.  Two dozen helium balloons……24 helium balloons….2 sets of 12 helium balloons….I was in hell!

Now, for those of you that fear things like spiders, mice, clowns, bats, etc….imagine someone coming into the room with a box full and letting them loose.  Horrible….So I stood crammed into my corner and watched in horror as Mary then divided the balloons among the kids at the party.  I could no longer keep one eye on each bunch of balloons, now there were multiple little bunches of balloons roaming all over the rooms, attached to what seems to be about 49 kids. My palms are sweating, my brow is sweating, and even my feet are sweating.  I am telling myself  “pull up your granny panties and act your age,” and had almost succeeded in calming myself down.  I am now at the threshold of my “happy place” when….BOOM…the first balloon bites the dust and explodes right next to my corner of the room.  I then do the first adult thing that came to my mind..I screamed like a girl.  I was had!  The jig was up!  My secret has now been painfully exposed.  UGH!  I really tried to make light of it, but honest to Pete, there were about a millions balloons passing all around me….There weren’t enough eyes in my head to keep track of them all. They were grazing the fluorescent lights, they were getting near the ceiling fan, they were being chewed on, and several gently eased past my shoulder as the children passed by my corner of the room. I wanted to say “Shooo little children with big huge balloons!”

  In the end, the balloons soon lost their charm and many drifted up to the ceiling to rest peacefully…except for the few infrequent BOOMS coming from the other rooms….I had survived my worst nightmare and lived to tell about it…I guess now I’ve told everybody ♥

Help Me, My Hearts Broken

FOOD FOR THE SOUL

TO THOSE GOING THROUGH A BREAKUP

 My heart is broken…..it’s hurting….I don’t know what to do……I don’t know what to say….my good friend is going through a break up and I don’t know what to do.  What are the right words to say, what can I do to ease her pain?  Not too long ago I was in her position, and my heart was broken in what I felt was a million tiny pieces?  You know that feeling when there seems to be darkness surrounding you, and no matter how hard you try you can’t stop crying.  Friends and family surround you and try to make you feel better.  You pull yourself out of bed day after day thinking “today will be the day that the sun will shine on my soul.”  You pray to God to give you peace, and to let some happiness return into your life.  It is the time in your life where you start questioning God, if He is in your life.  “Why did this happen to me?”  “Why can’t I find a happy relationship like those who seem to be all around me?”  “What could I have done to make him want to stay with me?” “How could he have done this to me?”  Of course these same questions go for both sexes after a break up, but the women appear to suffer more.

After taking 2 years to recover (almost fully), I feel I am almost an expert at what to say to my friend, but she is not at a point to hear my words.  This is the point where we just need to sit and listen and let her talk.  Sometimes a person just needs to talk it out without anyone judging or adding unneeded advice.  I had such a wonderful support system that I knew I was going to be ok.   At some point she will realize that God does have a grand plan, and that this heartbreak will at some point pass and there will be someone even better put into her life.  Eventually the pain will subside and the light will again shine on her soul and her heart will begin healing.  That person who has hurt her so badly will begin to fade from her memory and she will begin to forget the pain, while remembering the good times without sadness.  Slowly that heavy weight that is pressing down on her chest will begin easing up and the smiles will come easier.    Those around her will still love her, and the day will come when Gods true plan will be revealed.  At that point we who have been hurt to our core will be able to realize that those heartbreaks were just a stepping stone to something much better.  So my friend, I am here if at any time you just need to talk.  Please realize that you deserve better, even though you may not realize it yet.  If a person disrespects you, then they need to “push on” down the road.  They are simply not worth it, and deserve no place in your life.  I had to learn to just sit quietly and do nothing….just sit quietly.  It is amazing what that does for you, because you are able to sort so many things out and put them in order.  I will admit that I went to counseling for 6 weeks after my breakup because I just couldn’t make sense of anything.  In 6 short weeks the wonderful counselor I saw was able to put things in order for me.  One of  the best thing she recommended was for me to listen to “Letting Go” by Joe Cocker.  Yes, my friend, the time will come for “letting go,” and when that time comes the sun will shine again.  Moving on can indeed be a good thing, I promise!   I love you my friend ♥

Talkin Turkey

Talkin Turkey.

Talkin Turkey

FOOD FOR THE SOUL

  Yep, you guessed it…a month from now will be Turkey Day!  There are a few days of the year that will give me the “warm fuzzies” and Thanksgiving is one of them.  I have such wonderful memories of Thanksgiving with our extended family as a child, and then with our immediate family as we grew and added new members.  I remember that mom would get up at 2:30 in the morning to put the turkey in the oven so we could eat at noon.  This was after it spent the previous day thawing out in the kitchen sink.  If I close my eyes and let my mind wander I can still smell that wonderful odor that would greet us on Thanksgiving morning. There were also 2 large baking sheets loaded with bread, drying out for the stuffing, which mom would then make and stuff that turkey from stem to stern.  I am not a fan of stuffing, but love the smell of it in the oven.

After my parents passed away, the sisters and I divided up the 3 big holidays so we could continue the tradition of getting together to share a meal.  Tammy has Thanksgiving and my kids were pleased to discover that my brother-in-law Mark makes just about the best stuffing ever!  I love walking into her house with my covered dishes and indulge in the memory evoking smells of turkey and dressing.  Almost makes me tear up just writing about it.  ANYWAY…….one year my mom decided that it was very sad to think of anyone being alone on Thanksgiving, and decided that we would host a free turkey dinner on Thanksgiving in the church basement.  Everyone was welcome to come and eat with us, and we would take deliveries out to those who were homebound.   We cooked for 2 days, I swear….and I don’t know when I have ever peeled that many potatoes in my life.  We had turkey, dressing, potatoes and gravy, cranberry sauce, green beans, rolls and homemade pumpkin pie with whipped topping.  We set up the tables in the basement complete with tablecloths, china and silverware…not paper plates and plastic utensils.  One person manned the phone, taking down orders and addresses for delivery, the men delivered the meals, one person welcomed the guests, and the rest of us divided our time between serving the food, cleaning up the mess, washing dishes and doing whatever else was needed.  When we felt we had served everyone that was coming, we filled our plates and sat down with our guests as a family, resting our weary hands and feet.  It was such a wonderful feeling to know that on that holiday no one had to eat alone if they chose to come to the church.

 A few years ago, I decided to roast a turkey for the first time.  It was always my moms job, then my sisters job, and then my ex-husbands job (he liked to deep fry the turkeys) so I have never had to make the turkey.  I read up on how to safely thaw a turkey on the Butterball website and my adventure began.  I purchased a roasting bag because that is the was I saw Mark do it, and then I laid everything out on the counter in preparation for the mission.  I remembered that mom always had a retrieved a bag with the gizzard, liver and the gross looking neck bone, so my first job was to find these loose turkey pieces before I baked the bird.  My daughter Katelyn and I had the darndest time getting ahold of the neck bone…..I knew it had to be somewhere, so I yanked and yanked on the spine of that bird, but I could not get ahold of anything that resembled a neck bone. I was so frustrated…I knew there was a neck bone, but it wouldn’t come off.  I began chopping on the spine, and was still unable to dislodge a neck bone.  I sat that dumb thing up in the sink and was spent even more time trying to figure out how to get that neck bone.   I was finally so upset and angry with myself that I picked the turkey up and shook it in anger…and guess what happened?  That small baggie containing the liver, gizzard and blasted neck fell out of the bottom of that blasted bird.  No where on the Butterball website did I remember that they were going to be perfectly packaged for soup making.  Who would have guessed that they just shoved it there?  We just stood there laughing hysterically at my mistake, and laughed even more when I looked at the poor butchered spine of the bird…..Not my finest  moment for sure ,  but the turkey was still delicious ♥

FOOD FOR THE BODY

Funeral Potatoes

(I may have already done this, and if so I apologize.  It’s just a great dish to pass at a feast)

5 pounds of red potatoes, peeled and cooked

8 oz cream cheese

8oz sour cream

1 stick of butter or oleo

Chives, diced * add any amount, depends on your taste

In a large mixing bowl, whip cooked potatoes, cream cheese, sour cream and chives.

Spread in a 13×9 baking dish and dot top with butter sliced into small pieces

(I usually just pinch some off with my fingers and place all over the top of the casserole)

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, or until warmed through.

Ms. Crabby Pattie……..

FOOD FOR THE SOUL

 Just a short thought

 Yesterday I made a quick trip around town with Maddie.  Since it was Saturday, we got a late start and missed lunch.  We hit the bank, post office, paid the water bill, went to the Sweet Shop, and finally ended up at the grocery store.  I entered the store with a list of 7 items, and by the time I left I had 7 bags and spent $82.00.  I couldn’t help it….the sales were fantastic.  It is now 2:30 in the afternoon, way past breakfast, and I am starving at this point.  My problem is that when I get hungry, I get crabby and short-tempered.  I hate that feeling, my stomach is rumbling, and I feel all shaky because I know my blood sugar is dropping.  I made the mistake of sampling some grapes as I was putting the bags into the car, and ended up returning to the store and 5 more pounds, reasoning that it was because the sale ended tomorrow.  I really could have begun chewing my tires at that point.  By the time we had schlepped  the groceries into the house  and got them all put away,  I felt like the star of “Mommy Dearest!”   All I wanted to do is to empty those blasted bags and get something to settle both my roaring stomach and my rattled nerves.  I then grabbed  some of the now sufficient supply of  sweet red grapes and  sat at the computer. I went to my Word Press reader and  read a post by The Better Man Project that listed some inspirational quotes.  One just jumped out at me, and I am going to remember it the next time I shop while hungry and crabby.  It goes like this “I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID WHEN I WAS HUNGRY.”  Apparently someone else in this world has the same problem I do.  So to my children, grocery clerks, bag boys, and any friends that I have been “not so kind” to when shopping….I promise to never again to go to the grocery store hungry…and this apology is for you ♥

Let ’em Get Dirty!

FOOD FOR THE SOUL

  Last night while I was driving home after an absolutely horrible day at work, I was passed by a huge SUV and noticed one of those dvd players playing a cartoon for the riders the back seat.  I then assumed that there were probably several young children strapped in for the ride.  Perhaps I was just tired, or maybe I am just reaching that age that I look back and compare my childhood with those kids growing up in this generation.  Is it possible I have now become one of those old people that say “Well back in my day…..”  Either way, the memories came flooding back to me, starting with playing outside with the neighborhood kids in the fall.  We could not wait for the leaves to fall so we could go out and literally get lost in them.  We would each try to get ahold of a rake and begin piling them into the largest pile we could make.  First off you would jump over and over into the soft pile, then you would try to tunnel into the pile and become invisible.  I can still smell the musky odor that surrounded you when you were buried in that pile.  Late we would spread out the pile and section them into different rooms of a pretend house.  The leaves then became the walls of the house, compete with gaps for windows and doors.  What fun it was…until we were instructed to rake them out to the berm for burning.  We did the work because we knew that the marshmallows were going to appear for roasting.  A great finish to a full and exhausting Saturday.

  In the summer we were never in the house.  The main reason was to give my mom a mental health break, I am sure, but what fun we could find.  Our house was 2 blocks from the park and 2 blocks from town, so we were within walking distance of everything.  Growing up in a town of 1,000 there was no fear of kidnapping or harm,  we just had to be home before the church bells rang at 6 o’clock.  Our city park had a huge pavilion in the center, and there was playground equipment on either side it.  Both sides had swings, a slide,  monkey bars, and a teeter totter, but the north side was for the “big kids.”  When we finally reached the ripe old age of 11 or 12, we would go to the “big kids” side where the slide and monkey bars were just huge!  After spending the morning hours at the park, we would then return home for lunch.  My friends and I would then try to sweet talk a quarter from our mothers and head uptown to the Sweet Shop for treat.  If we got a dime we could get a coke in a glass and 3 pieces of penny candy.  If you got the coke in the glass, you had to sit in the booths in the back and drink it there.  If we happened to get a quarter….whoo-whee….we were rich!  We could get a fountain coke for a dime, and get a bag of chips for a dime and 5 pieces of candy.  We then were free to hop on our bikes and go to someones house and enjoy the bounty.

  After the short break, we would then decide what to do for the afternoon.  There were so many things to choose from, that often times it was hard coming to a mutual decision.  We had a huge sandbox in the backyard….not one of those premade plastic turtles with a lid….but one that came from my dads workshop, made with 2×4’s nailed together with another 2×4 cut to make seats in each corner.  It didn’t matter what age you were, the sandbox could be a place to let your imagination run wild.  There were buckets, and various food containers snuck out from the kitchen for molding the sand.  There were spoons, shovels, and spatulas, along with plates and cups, all for our use.  And then there was that occasional gift left by the neighborhood cats that we would just toss out with a little sand.  We didn’t think much about it, you just scrunched up your nose and gave it a toss.  We would often times return to the park and play some dreadfully bad games of tennis, or maybe get enough kids to play a little baseball at the ball diamond at the edge of the park.  We just seemed to know when it was getting close to 6, and would start heading home in order to arrive home shortly after the bells rang.  Heaven knows you didn’t want to lose out on another day of roaming the town.  Life was so good back then, and I think maybe I will write more about these memories.  They will be a legacy for my kids and grandchildren to have.  I know it will stir up a lot of memories for the “old” people my age, many who were the same friends that shared our little town that read my blogs.  So I raise my 10 cent fountain glass to those who can remember back that far…..and maybe spark this “newer’ generation to give the basics a try….you don’t have to entertain your kids every minute of the day…let them learn to play in a pile of leaves or get dirty in a sand box, complete with cat pooh. Who knows what memories you will spark. ♥

FOOD FOR THE BODY

My Meatloaf

There have been a lot of discussions about different meatloaf recipes….so I am going to throw out mine…and trust me, it is very basic!

1  1/2 to 2 pounds of ground beef

1 package Lipton Onion Soup Mix

1 egg

Oatmeal as a binder

Salt and pepper

Ketchup

Mix all ingredients above, except the ketchup.  Mix well.  I add enough oatmeal to bind the mixture together.  Probably about a cup?

Make into a loaf (I do mine in an oval shape, not too tall)

Spread with Ketchup, cover and bake at 350 degrees for about an hour.

Great with mashed potatoes (not from a box, yuck) and a veggie.

(of course it always includes mashed potatoes topped with creamed corn for me, hehehe )

You can make up 2 and freeze one for a later date, just take it out frozen, spread with ketchup and bake. It will need to bake longer, but great on those nights when you are in a hurry.

She said “YES TO THE DRESS”

FOOD FOR THE SOUL

  My daughter Katelyn said I needed to start writing some more funny blogs because I was losing my audience.  I think I have what writers (of which I am not) call writers block.  I just can’t think of any past bloopers in my life to write about, so I will write about my princess and her prince.  Katelyn is my third child, and my second daughter.  She works with me as a correctional health nurse, after graduating a few years ago.  She is always bubbly and happy and sometimes quite “over the top” when a decent human being wants to be in a bad mood.  Everybody loves Katie, and Katie loves everybody.  On the top of Katies list of people to love is her fiance Daryl.  They met several years ago at a wedding, he is from Indiana and she from Illinois, and the rest, as they say, was history.  There is a wedding now planned for September 21 of next year, which is also my mothers birthday.  It will indeed be a bittersweet day for me.

  Last Saturday she organized a shopping trip for the bridesmaids to look at possible dresses for the wedding.  I was working that day, but got a last-minute reprieve as a fellow nurse came in on her day off so I could go along too.  Three of her bridesmaids were there, along with Mary, my ex-husbands new wife.  I have to tell everyone that Mary and I get along splendidly, so we are there as a team for Kate, willing to do whatever is necessary.  There were dresses, upon dresses, upon dresses, and it soon became hard to remember who looked good in this, and who looked good in that.  It was all very confusing, not to mention 6 different opinions.  The girl helping us then suggested that Katie herself try on a few wedding dresses so she could try to match up styles with the bridesmaids, hopefully making the choice easier.   When Katelyn went that day, she had no idea she would try on a wedding dress.  She has been working out and dieting, and felt she wasn’t ready “to go there yet”…..but she went back in search for a “style” of dress.

  We all sat patiently on the couch, in front of the stage with the huge mirror, waiting for the unveiling of the first dress.  We sat chatting and discussing which bridesmaids dress was the best, etc when we heard the swooshing of fabric come around the corner of the mirror.  Here she came, beaming from ear to ear, and looking like the fairytale princess she is.  I began crying immediately and the others dropped their jaws, as we just stared at her in this dress. My oldest daughter is married, but she lives in Seattle, so I wasn’t there to see her when she tried on her dresses.  I do remember crying when I first saw her the day of the wedding though.  Katie then tried on about 5 or 6 other dresses, but that first one cinched it for her.  So she went from not even going to try on a dress, to purchasing the first dress she has ever tried on….funny how things work out.  I, and the others there that day, know that she make the right choice and will be stunning next September 21st.

  Since I can’t describe her dress for fear of being banned from the wedding, I will insert a picture from my own wedding many many years ago.  This has been a favorite picture of Katies, and it shows just how much styles have changed through the years.  There are not many dresses with the long trains anymore, and I don’t believe that many of the veils come over to slightly obscure the face.  I do remember being so shy walking down the aisle at the young age of  19.   I also remember how magical it was when my dad lifted the veil off of my face to give me a gentle kiss of the cheek, before passing my hand to my soon to be new husbands.  My mom did a lot of the planning for my wedding.  She even catered the meal, with church friends helping with the serving and clean up, since we had the reception in the basement of the church.  Even though things didn’t turn out like planned, I am glad I was blessed to experience that whole “wedding thing” and will do whatever I can to make my daughters experience as memorable as mine.  Good luck to Katie and Daryl….I know in my heart they will be fine.  And pass the Kleenex because if my reaction to the dress is any insight into the emotions of the wedding, I will need a few boxes ♥

FOOD FOR THE BODY

BBQ RIBS

Boneless beef or pork ribs

1 cup ketchup

1 cup water

1 stalk celery cut fine

2 tsp salt

1/8 tsp pepper

1 large onion, diced

2 tsp Worcestershire sauce

1/4 cup vinegar

1/4 cup brown sugar

2 tsp dry mustard

1 tsp paprika

1 clove garlic, minced fine

Dip ribs in skillet and brown on all sides

Place ribs in a dutch oven, mix remaining ingredients and pour over ribs.

Cover and bake an hour, or until tender, at 350 degrees

This was a favorite Sunday dinner meal at moms.  Serve with mashed potatoes and a veggie for a super meal!