Letter To My Adult Children


209This is a picture of my crazy gaggle of children, plus a son in law, second from the left.  I looked and looked for a picture of them all together in a photo,and this is the only one I could find.  Of course, this is the way you will find them, when they are together.  Always goofy, and almost always loving.  As I look at this picture I am in awe of how well they have turned out.  When you give birth to your children, you only want the best for them.  You guide, you yell, you whisper, you kiss, you compromise, you spank, you dictate, you swear, you cry, you hug, you hurt, you smile, you enforce, and above you love…and you love unconditionally. I saw a quote the other day that was taken from the New York Times that read: “When they are little they sit on your lap.  When they are grown, they sit on your heart.”  My goodness how that rings true.  When they were little I told myself that once I got them raised and they became adults, then my work would be done.  In my naivety, I thought once raised, they would go off  into the world, conquering anything placed in their path, never again needing my help again.  Then I remembered my young adulthood, and knew that they would be no different than  me.  I made some bad choices, and at times didn’t live up to their expectations.  I knew what values were instilled into my brain, but often time, just took a different road.  My parents would just sit back and watch me “mess up” and often times fall flat on my face.  But, no matter what, they would be there to lend support and help if I asked.  A great lesson is learned when a person admits that have made a mistake and reaches out for help.  Often times the help came with a stern talk about what to do differently the next time, to avoid repeating history. Funny how as a grown adult, you could feel like a little child again admitting that you, once again, may need their guidance to get back on track.   I can clearly remember my mom telling me learn from every mistake, that there is always a lesson to be learned from these lapses in judgement.

  As this past holiday passed, it left these wonderful children with tears, anger and misunderstanding.  Words were exchanged, feelings were hurt, and there has been no resolution as far as I am concerned.  I wasn’t involved, but had to sit quietly with a heavy heart as I watched the fallout.  These wonderful children who have grown up to be God fearing, responsible, dedicated, hard working adults have now returned to their lives, a little more beat up emotionally.  Where does a mom fit in, when they are adults and these things don’t concern her?  So as these children “sit on my heart,”  I will give them the same words of advise that were given to me more times than I can remember…..family always comes first….no matter what!  These siblings you have been blessed to have, will continue to be your siblings, no matter what.  When words are said in anger, remember to forgive.  Forgiving is a brave and selfless act…even if you are sure that you were right.  It is always easier to forgive than to forget, but try to forget as well….then the healing can begin.  You have always had each others back, and it needs to remain that way.  As life continues, new members will  be added to our family.  Along with new family members, comes different personalities, different thoughts of life, different ways to handle difficult situations…just differences.  You need to embrace these differences, as there is no right or wrong…just different.  At the end of the day, they are ALL now family, and family is number one.

  So there you have it….adult children sitting on my heart….as I sat on my moms heart many many times.  But as I found out in life, your mom will be  there no matter what.   I may not agree with the decisions you have made, and I may just sit quietly an watch how things unfold, but you are never far from my heart.  I can’t kiss the boo boo anymore to make it better, because adult boo boo’s often times need more than a kiss and a band-aid.  Remember that at the end of the day you need to be happy with the choices you have made, and make the best of them.  Learn from every mistake you make, and try not to repeat them.  Be proud of the accomplishments you have achieved, even if it is something as simple as getting through the day in one piece 🙂  They will never throw you off of the face of the earth for making a bad choice, and things will get better if you persevere.   Always take time to count your blessings, along with your challenges.  They usually even out in the end…..and accept every challenge thrown to you with determination. I am proud of you all, for you are an extension of me, and that can’t be a bad thing, right?  I may not always be the mom you envisioned, for I too, have made some bad decisions, proving that we are all human.  I try to keep a respectful distance as my mom did, and I am here if you need me.  I respect your privacy and will not be a pest, nor stick my nose where it is not wanted.   You have your life now, and are welcome here any time.  Be strong and always remember that God loves you and so do I.


Marilyns Mac and Cheese

This was my moms recipe even though it is another one that is “a little of this and a little of that”

1 box of elbow macaroni, cooked and drained

1 chunk of american cheese

( I go the deli and tell them I want a chunk about an inch thick so I can shred it myself on my grater)

1 1/2 stick oleo or butter, melted

1 1/2 cups milk , warmed up (this is a guess-ta-mant)

Pepper, garlic powder, salt

Spray 13 x 9 pan with pam

Spread 1/2 mac on bottom of pan

Sprinkle 1/2 shredded cheese over mac.

Season with salt, pepper and garlic powder.

Spoon 1/2 of the melted butter over the mac and cheese.

Repeat with next layer, mac, cheese, seasonings, melted butter and cheese.

Pour enough warm milk over the whole thing until it reaches about 1/3 way up the casserole.

Bake uncovered 350 degrees about 20-30 minutes, until the cheese is melted and browning on the top.

NOTES:  you can use less or more cheese, but be sure you get american cheese and grate it yourself….no cheating.  I

I usually leave out the salt, and everyone can add it to their taste.


It’s Over


Yep, it over.  Thank heavens it’s over.  Did I mention that I’m glad it’s over?  I woke up this morning to my 13 year old daughter wanting me to rush to the porch to retrieve the paper to see who won the election.  She took one look at the headlines, threw the paper down in anger and stomped off  back up the stairs to get ready for school.  I just stood there and shook my head at her, knowing she was basing all of her knowledge on things her dad had told her.  We don’t talk politics in our house. I was raised with the strong belief that this was a personal journey and your vote was to be kept to yourself.  I can clearly remember my parents coming home from voting and I asked them who they voted for.  I was probably about 13, the same age of my daughter, and was just becoming aware of the whole voting process.  My dad sat me down at the table and made it very clear to me that you NEVER asked someone who they voted for, and that your vote was no one elses business. I have respected that throughout my life, and try to keep my choices in the voting booth to myself.

 When I was married it would quickly become a joke that I, as a Democrat, would vote just to cancel out my ex-husband, the Republicans vote.  I have voted both sides of the political line, as I try to vote for the best man, not for the color of his tie.  Today I took my morning scroll through my Facebook page and was so disheartened by the remarks left by my Republican friends.  Quotes “Sad day for America”….”I fear for the future of myself and my daughter”…..”I can’t believe we have to suffer through another four years”….”Very scared for our future”…..”Guess nows a good time to travel abroad for four years”…and then the ones I will never reprint because they pull the “race” card.  It made me sad for a short time, and then I read one from a friend, Trisha Deboor,  who is a newly ordained Lutheran Minister who wrote: “Keep Calm and Carry on. It will all work out.”  I still will not share who I voted for, and some who know me would be surprised at my choice, but I will share my thoughts about the post-election: We as a nation of many races, religions, beliefs and free minds need to stay stong.  No single man will be able to change things overnight.  Each time a new “party” takes a seat in the oval office, they blame all of the wrongs on the past president, which means that each person we have voted to run our country has failed miserably. Right?  I am in no way a great political mind,  and I never will be, but I try to look at things logically.  No single person has the power, and it’s like a domino effect…..that’s why we have a House and a Senate.  Every elected official, be they a Republican or Democrat, has a little bit of the power and hopefully all of those that we have elected will come together for the good of this country.

So don’t ask me who I voted for, I won’t tell you.  It’s none of your business, and I am smart enough to know that if you were rude enough to ask me, then you would be rude enough to push your one-sided views on me if I voted the “wrong” way. I am proud to be an American, and I will continue to pray for whoever is sitting in the oval office.  May God guide his heart and hands to do well, along with all the others serving this country who are making decisions that will impact my life, and the lives of my children and grandchildren.  “KEEP CALM and CARRY ON. IT WILL ALL WORK OUT”   ♥