Stick a fork in me, I’M DONE!

I had finally reached the end of my 6 month internet dating adventure .  I had joined 3 free websites and one in which you had to pay.  It’s not that I was really picky…they needed to have a car, have a job, have some teeth, be kind and still  be breathing.  One guy said that only thin athletic women should contact him.  Now, if I was thin and athletic, I knew he wouldn’t be for me because there wouldn’t be room in the car for both of us plus his over inflated ego. Really?  Come on!    I had met one man, out of all of the prospective men that had contacted me, that I actually  wanted to go on a date with.  We could talk for hours on the phone, and I really enjoyed his company.  We seemed to never run out of things to say and talk about.  I was the happiest I had been in a long time, while getting to know him.  There was something to look forward to besides work, children, housework, bills, and lonely Friday nights.  I found I had trouble sleeping and my appetite had gone out the window (not a bad thing in my case).  I had been hooked, and we hadn’t even met in person yet.  I felt like I was a teenager again.  The problem was that now I was a grown adult in my 50’s with the same fears and worries I had when I was a teenager. Plus I hadn’t been on a real date since I was 19 years old.  Would he like me?  Would we have a good time?  What does he expect from me?  Would we have some chemistry? Could I find enough spackling paste  to fill in the wrinkles under me eyes before the date?

We met, had  a nice time, but sorry to report it didn’t work out as planned.  I know now that I don’t do well under pressure, and I was trying to be someone who I was not, instead of being myself.  My adventure had come to a screeching halt.  In discussing what to do next with my oldest daughter, she  told me that when the day comes that a man leaves my life and I can say “Screw you, your loss dude”,  I will know that I am truly ready to date.  When did this child of mine grow to be so wise, and loving enough to give her momma advice that her momma had given her not so long ago?  At this point I am taking a year off, gonna write my blogs, and no longer be on the elusive search for “the one”.  When God thinks I am ready, he will put a wonderful, patient and loving man into my life.  And if that day doesn’t come, I will still be able to reflect on the many many blessings that He has give me.  Plus, you never know what  new adventure I will stumble onto tomorrow??????

Addendum and confession….2 of my friends recently met men that they really liked on one of the free websites, so I had a weak moment a few weeks ago  and put a new profile up.  I got a reply within an hour.  It was a 38 year old man who was 6’2″, blonde hair, blue eyes, had job and owned his own car.  He said he thought I was a beautiful “older” woman, and always wanted to “be with” an older woman, and would I be interested?’  My goodness….that one made me blush…..but “No thank you”………….delete……..and cancel………….

The Scam

Well it seemed that being on a christian internet website wasn’t going to work for me, and I still had a few months left on my 6 month pledge to my friend.  I wished I had told her I would give it a month, but I am a woman of my word, plus there was always that nagging “what if….”.  So I continue onto a website where I had to pay to be a member.  Almost immediately I got an email from a man who said he was interested in knowing more about me.  We set off to chatting on the website, and I soon found out that he was a single widowed dad from Chicago.  He said he was a gemologist, and went into great length telling me about the business and how it works.  He said he traveled extensively throughout the world, and was an independent contractor, so to speak.  I noticed that each time we e-mailed each other his typing style appeared to be different.  I also noticed that his “speech” while typing seemed to be different from perhaps a person who speaks fluent English.  When I questioned him, he told me that he was born in Spain, came to America 10 years ago and was now living with his son and his elderly aunt.    JACKPOT…..a Spaniard!  I immediately googled spanish movie stars and came up with Antonio Bandaras.  HaTaTaTa….at that point I didn’t care if he spoke Martian.

We continued to email back and forth for several more weeks.  I just couldn’t shake that gut feeling that something just wasn’t right, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  He was evasive answering personal questions and again the typing seemed to be done by different people.  Was I just being paranoid?  Then the emails stopped for several days…..when I sent him one asking if he was ok, he stated he was in England on a job and needed to hire a lawyer to look over the contracts.  The problem was that he needed to pay the lawyer before he would look over the documents, and he was short $1250.00.  “Would you be and angel and wire me some money? Any amount would help”……He sent me a phone number that I could call him on (which I googled and it was a British area code) when I was ready to wire the money.  Now I am not sure what planet he was from, but this sister wasn’t going to send one Euro to him.  I was so angry with myself by not listening to my gut and telling him to take a hike earlier.  I sent him a final email telling him that I had read up on internet scams and he would need to look elsewhere.  He actually sent me another email telling me that he understood, and he would take $250.00 instead.  Maybe meeting men in a bar isn’t such a bad idea after all?

Cupid goes Christian

Having very little luck with the first of the available internet dating websites I noticed that there were several that offered serviced to those of us who are Christian.  How bad can that be?  I again began answering the requested questions to build yet another profile.  This one was a little more forgiving, and focused more toward family, faith and views what you were looking for in a prospective date.  I had a little more luck on these websites.  I began chatting with a man who said he was from Syracuse New York and we seemed to have some of the same ideas about life.  He said he was a single dad and was running his fathers construction company.  He was looking for a long-term relationship, and considering he was in New York and I was in Illinois, that seemed long-term enough for me.  🙂  Eventually the chatting became a nightly ritual.  We would  check in on each other and share our days events.  One night I got on to chat later than the time we had agreed on and was bombarded with insults such as “you are an evil woman”, “no man will ever love you”…etc..etc…etc….  Now I don’t see myself a naive person, considering I have worked in corrections for 20 years, but I was not expecting this.  I figured out that one thing a person cruising  these websites needs to remember is that things may not be what they seem.  You begin to wonder how safe it is, can this person figure out where I live, have they been recently released from the funny farm??????  I was able to block any further conversations from him and began to reevaluate this way to meet people. I took some time off from my adventure to think this through.   Maybe I would have more luck if I go to a website where you  pay to join?   It turns out that this was going to be harder than I expected……………figures!

Stupid Cupid

As I said in my earlier blog, internet dating has become the new way to meet men.  I avoided it like the plaque, reasoning when the time is right, God will put the right man in my life.  After much insistence from a co-worker I decided to give it a try for 6 months.  So in January of this year I began a new adventure, filled with hope and determination.  First off, where do you start?  I had watched all of the commercials where a beautiful woman meets a handsome man in a dimly lit bar, they talk and laugh and have a great time and apparently live happily ever after.  The first decision to be made was which site to choose and being the tight wad I am, I chose a free one.  I should have stopped at the question “Do you own your own car?”  That did make a few bells and whistles go off in my head.  Really, doesn’t everyone in rural Illinois have a car? Not to be deterred, I push on and began the profile builder that involved describing myself.   Now, I am not what you would call a beauty, but I also have never caused a man to throw up after setting eyes on me.  I could be described as “fluffy” or when I was a child I was “big-boned”, so I wasn’t really sure how to describe myself truthfully.  My choices were 1. Athletic (snicker) 2. A few extra pounds (does that mean on a certain part of the body or all over?)  or  3. Big and beautiful.  Gheese….those were my choices???  Not ” pleasantly plump” or “kinda large torso with chicken legs”, or my favorite “more to love”?  Of course you can’t skip over it and leave it blank, figuring it would be a crap shoot for the man.  So I fibbed and put “a few extra pounds” telling myself  I would play dumb if I actually met a man and was caught in my fib.

I then filled out the rest of the profile information which involved my career, birth order, yearly income, and that most pressing question about owning my own car. I then downloaded a recent picture of myself, hit send and waited.  While you are waiting you are free to peruse the profiles of those you might be interested in.  Sounds exciting……hmmmm…….all I can say is  wowza…….There are pictures from the 70’s through the 2012’s….and spelling that would make a 3rd grade teacher cringe.  Now without spell check I would get a “D”, but live on the edge and use spell check for heavens sake.  There was also a common theme:   3/4 of the men my age (50’s) had their photos taken with them on a Harley.  Plus please  get someone to take your picture.  Honestly one more picture of a shirtless man, belly hanging over the belt, taking his picture in the bathroom mirror is one too many.  Who ever decided that was a sexy way to take your picture?  Half of the time they are so concentrated on taking the picture, their tongue is protruding ever so slightly and who knows where the smile is.  Then there are those who smile and really shouldn’t, if you know what I mean.  Don’t get me wrong, my plus size self loves a big man….they are my favorites to say the least, but save the belly shot for when we are alone and there’s been some wine flowing.

My first message came within the first hour.  It was a man in blue jeans and dirty t-shirt holding up a big fish and his message was “Hey wanna get naked?”  Thank you sir for having your shirt on, but  I figured maybe I would be offered  a glass of wine first?  Another memorable one was an older man bragging about being retired,  living on social security and needing a woman to drive him to his doctors appointments. As enticing as that was, I needed to say no thank you and check please…..

Coming up…cupid goes Christian.

Dating after 50

Now here is an adventure for sure.  I am one of the unfortunate products of divorce and at one point  I figured  “Ok maybe it’s time to try that thing they refer to as dating”.  I soon realized that it’s nothing like when I was 17 and you hung out uptown at the grain elevator waiting for guys to come into town. It became clear that when you had the same class of 38 kids from K through 12 that few of those classmates could ever be considered dating material, so you struck out for surrounding towns.  My favorite towns seemed to be Lostant and Tonica because Wenona was a rival in high school with Toluca and MDR.  I’d get my allotted miles on the family car and dash to a neighboring town in search for “the one”.  There were no cell phones, so you had to scope them out in person.  That’s how it worked “back then”….you tracked them down, met them, gave them your home phone number, but only if the asked, then you’d rush home and sit by the rotary phone and wait…and wait….and wait…(insert cricket noises here).  It was an unwritten rule not to “hunt” with someone prettier than you, or your chances dwindled.  I never quite learned that lesson because Laurel, my bff growing up, was always  with me to scope out new prospects, and usually she got first dibbs on the guys.  But I loved her, and was happy to get the leftovers….just kidding….sometimes we would have cat fights if he had a really cool car like a Mustang or Firebird.  The GUY would call the GIRL and set up a time to come to the house to meet the parents before the first date.  You went out, he paid, you usually had a great time, and he dropped you off  before your set curfew.  So went dating in the 70’s.  Now fast forward 35 years….things have changed ALOT.  First you have to figure out where to find a man (more about that in future blogs), you meet in a public place for safety reasons , you each pay for your meal, and in my case….head home fast.  You no longer date, you “hang out” to see if you like each other.  If you like each other then you “hang out” until you decide you will become “official’.  Then after that you become boyfriend and girlfriend and see where that leads you.  OMG already……Take me back to the 70’s please…….

Coming up soon…internet dating……and all I can say is WOW!

Thanks again for stopping by and reading my thoughts. hehehehehe