Letter To My Adult Children


209This is a picture of my crazy gaggle of children, plus a son in law, second from the left.  I looked and looked for a picture of them all together in a photo,and this is the only one I could find.  Of course, this is the way you will find them, when they are together.  Always goofy, and almost always loving.  As I look at this picture I am in awe of how well they have turned out.  When you give birth to your children, you only want the best for them.  You guide, you yell, you whisper, you kiss, you compromise, you spank, you dictate, you swear, you cry, you hug, you hurt, you smile, you enforce, and above you love…and you love unconditionally. I saw a quote the other day that was taken from the New York Times that read: “When they are little they sit on your lap.  When they are grown, they sit on your heart.”  My goodness how that rings true.  When they were little I told myself that once I got them raised and they became adults, then my work would be done.  In my naivety, I thought once raised, they would go off  into the world, conquering anything placed in their path, never again needing my help again.  Then I remembered my young adulthood, and knew that they would be no different than  me.  I made some bad choices, and at times didn’t live up to their expectations.  I knew what values were instilled into my brain, but often time, just took a different road.  My parents would just sit back and watch me “mess up” and often times fall flat on my face.  But, no matter what, they would be there to lend support and help if I asked.  A great lesson is learned when a person admits that have made a mistake and reaches out for help.  Often times the help came with a stern talk about what to do differently the next time, to avoid repeating history. Funny how as a grown adult, you could feel like a little child again admitting that you, once again, may need their guidance to get back on track.   I can clearly remember my mom telling me learn from every mistake, that there is always a lesson to be learned from these lapses in judgement.

  As this past holiday passed, it left these wonderful children with tears, anger and misunderstanding.  Words were exchanged, feelings were hurt, and there has been no resolution as far as I am concerned.  I wasn’t involved, but had to sit quietly with a heavy heart as I watched the fallout.  These wonderful children who have grown up to be God fearing, responsible, dedicated, hard working adults have now returned to their lives, a little more beat up emotionally.  Where does a mom fit in, when they are adults and these things don’t concern her?  So as these children “sit on my heart,”  I will give them the same words of advise that were given to me more times than I can remember…..family always comes first….no matter what!  These siblings you have been blessed to have, will continue to be your siblings, no matter what.  When words are said in anger, remember to forgive.  Forgiving is a brave and selfless act…even if you are sure that you were right.  It is always easier to forgive than to forget, but try to forget as well….then the healing can begin.  You have always had each others back, and it needs to remain that way.  As life continues, new members will  be added to our family.  Along with new family members, comes different personalities, different thoughts of life, different ways to handle difficult situations…just differences.  You need to embrace these differences, as there is no right or wrong…just different.  At the end of the day, they are ALL now family, and family is number one.

  So there you have it….adult children sitting on my heart….as I sat on my moms heart many many times.  But as I found out in life, your mom will be  there no matter what.   I may not agree with the decisions you have made, and I may just sit quietly an watch how things unfold, but you are never far from my heart.  I can’t kiss the boo boo anymore to make it better, because adult boo boo’s often times need more than a kiss and a band-aid.  Remember that at the end of the day you need to be happy with the choices you have made, and make the best of them.  Learn from every mistake you make, and try not to repeat them.  Be proud of the accomplishments you have achieved, even if it is something as simple as getting through the day in one piece 🙂  They will never throw you off of the face of the earth for making a bad choice, and things will get better if you persevere.   Always take time to count your blessings, along with your challenges.  They usually even out in the end…..and accept every challenge thrown to you with determination. I am proud of you all, for you are an extension of me, and that can’t be a bad thing, right?  I may not always be the mom you envisioned, for I too, have made some bad decisions, proving that we are all human.  I try to keep a respectful distance as my mom did, and I am here if you need me.  I respect your privacy and will not be a pest, nor stick my nose where it is not wanted.   You have your life now, and are welcome here any time.  Be strong and always remember that God loves you and so do I.


Marilyns Mac and Cheese

This was my moms recipe even though it is another one that is “a little of this and a little of that”

1 box of elbow macaroni, cooked and drained

1 chunk of american cheese

( I go the deli and tell them I want a chunk about an inch thick so I can shred it myself on my grater)

1 1/2 stick oleo or butter, melted

1 1/2 cups milk , warmed up (this is a guess-ta-mant)

Pepper, garlic powder, salt

Spray 13 x 9 pan with pam

Spread 1/2 mac on bottom of pan

Sprinkle 1/2 shredded cheese over mac.

Season with salt, pepper and garlic powder.

Spoon 1/2 of the melted butter over the mac and cheese.

Repeat with next layer, mac, cheese, seasonings, melted butter and cheese.

Pour enough warm milk over the whole thing until it reaches about 1/3 way up the casserole.

Bake uncovered 350 degrees about 20-30 minutes, until the cheese is melted and browning on the top.

NOTES:  you can use less or more cheese, but be sure you get american cheese and grate it yourself….no cheating.  I

I usually leave out the salt, and everyone can add it to their taste.


9 responses to “Letter To My Adult Children

  1. Pingback: Letter To My Adult Children « Shelly's Stories

  2. Wonderful post. I have been having a hard time dealing with the fact that my 15 year old daughter won’t need me anymore once she’s off into the world. But maybe I have been looking at it the wrong way. I will always be her mom.

  3. In response I think it would be nice to write a letter to my mom.

    I remember growing up in a fun and loving home. sometimes I hated the strict rules and stern talking to whenever I made a bad choice I also hated every Sunday being forced to go to church and Sunday school. A lot of life’s lessons were learned during childhood. A lot of them I didnt fully understand until I was older and living half way around the world but eventually I found the true meanings.

    From coloring on your china cabinet (and blaming it on Steph as usual), to getting caught with some forty ounce Bud Lights hidden in my lettermans jacket I learned that there was consequences for my actions. Out of all the lessons learned I think this was one of the most important lessons. Being in law enforcement I see the worst in people on an almost daily basis. I think about what my life would be like or the path I would have traveled without the values instilled in me during my childhood. I am sure my path would have been dark and bumpy. Although life has been a bumpy path is it well lit by the grace of God and the support of our family. I have made my fair share of mistakes and will probably make a few more along the way. I know in my heart that you will be in OUR corner.

    Having two daughters of my own has also made me realize the values that were instilled in me during childhood. When you have kids of your own you realize what the love of a parent really is. No matter how tired, sore, agitated, or frustrated I am everything is made better by my daughters running to me and telling me that she loves me and missed me. I know now why you had strict rules and gave me the stern talking to’s. It wasnt because you wanted to be a hard ass (although you are the self proclaimed “General” lol) it was because you only wanted the best for us kids and were not ok with our futures being mediocre.

    So as Kristi, Lexi, Lilly, and I embark further into our journey we will always look to you for support (or a doggy bag) whenever we need it. We value your opinion but dont take it personal if we dont get it at first. Sometimes words have to soak before I get it. Now, more than ever, we will need your hugs, prayers, and words of wisdom. So overall I thank you for your support and everything you have done for OUR FAMILY!!! I dont wish for anyone to hurt anymore and wish that we can all put the pain of our past behind us and only move forward. A family is like a house. There is always maintenance and upkeep that needs attention. If you leave it alone then the maintenance turns more into a salvage, but it you keep maintaining it then it becomes a beautiful home. As for our family, a little maintenance will keep the close family together like we always have been.

    P.S.- I have been craving some momma Shelly cheeseburgers, fries, and chocolate milk shakes. Maybe even some pumpkin pie.

    • You have now made your momma cry…..and thank you for your words…I always wondered how I did as a mom…and I am so glad that you “get it”….you are an awsome dad, husband, brother and son. We will keep this “House” strong. I love you!

      • Rick is a great father, husband, son, brother, and Police Officer. People don’t understand what you would do for your children until you become a parent. Regardless if your sick, tired, hurt etc. You raised one of the greatest man I have ever met and to call him my husband is a true blessing. As our journey continues its going to be hard at times but knowing we have momma Shelly on our side just makes us stronger. I am greatful to have such a wondetful mother in law. I am thankful for that each and every day.

  4. Rick is a great father, husband, son, brother, and Police Officer. People don’t understand what you would do for your children until you become a parent. Regardless if your sick, tired, hurt etc. You raised one of the greatest man I have ever met and to call him my husband is a true blessing. As our journey continues its going to be hard at times but knowing we have momma Shelly on our side just makes us stronger. I am greatful to have such a wondetful mother in law. I am thankful for that each and every day.

    • Kris, You know that no matter our differences, you are family…always remember that. You are a great mom too…always remember that….thank you for giving me 2 beautiful grandbabies. And thanks for loving my son..I am pretty proud of him too.

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