FOOD FOR THE SOUL
Today I went to church, as I try to do when I am not working, and left feeling battered and broken. Aren’t you supposed to leave church feeling like your battery has been recharged to take on the world for another week? The homily was on divorce…and the title of the sermon was “Whats love got to do with it?”. I have been separated/divorced from my husband since 2005, and for the most part, my life is much calmer and happier. But does God love me less because I chose to leave an unhappy situation? Will I be forgiven for once again committing another whopper of a sin? The minister then pronounced that according to the Bible, when a man leaves his wife to marry another woman, he is committing adultery. My 13-year-old daughter then turned to me in horror and asked if this is true. The same would go for me if I would ever begin dating and eventually marry. Should I have just “stuck it out” and both of us lived a miserable life together? Will I be admitted into heaven because I have sinned?
After coming home and sitting in silence to think these things over, I came to some conclusions. I do believe that God had forgiven me for my sins, because he has continued to bless me in many ways, regardless of the fact that I have sinned. I very much believe in the sanctity of marriage, and when I married my ex-husband in 1978, I loved him with my whole heart. No one wants to admit they have failed. I think there is a misconception that divorce is easy, you just say I want out, and poof it is done. There are no winners EVER! Everyone hurts and everyone suffers…no matter who decided to leave. It wasn’t just one person who was at fault, it was both of us. The children were hurt, and often times the process of divorce just leads to more arguments and hatred. I know many people who remain married, but are just 2 people living in a house. Was I wrong to not want to be one of those people, knowing others would be hurt along the way? We live in a small town, so believe me, when someone leaves a spouse and they decide to divorce, everyone knows about it. Of course people don’t want their dirty laundry aired in the public.
I have dated some since my divorce, but lately it has not been on the top of my “to do” list. I am happy with my life as it is, even though it is not where I pictured myself to be at my age. I know that while like a child disappointing my father, I have disappointed God, but I know that he has forgiven me. I will try to move forward and see what life brings my way. One thing pastor did read was one of my favorite verses in the Bible from Corinthians: ” Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. “ I will pray for another chance in my lifetime to “make it right”….and use these words as guidelines for a happy relationship and maybe even a marriage. I have the utmost respect for those who have happy marriages, you are truly blessed. And I will be back in church on my next Sunday off, and will listen to the next homily, and will get my battery recharged to get through another week or two, for there are even better days ahead ♥