The Forgettable Christmas

It was Christmas 2007 and my sisters and I were facing our first Christmas without our parents.  We all agreed that we just couldn’t do the usual Christmas routine knowing that the holiday would never be the same.  We decided that we would “shake it up” so to speak and spend Christmas Eve at Grand Bear Lodge in Utica.  We all pitched in and rented a huge cabin, thinking that maybe a change of tradition would soften the blow of Christmas without mom or dad.  It seemed like a peachy idea and we all headed north with food, presents and swimsuits in tow.   I am happy to report that I helped to make the holiday memorable…..and it wasn’t with my cheerful personality.   So after unpacking , 13 of us head out for the water park on Christmas eve…and for awhile we were about the only ones there.  I decided that I would be a “cool mom” and go down the enclosed tube that they call a water  slide…I had never done anything like this in my life and figured what the heck.  I laid down on my back as instructed and the cute young guy gave my head a shove with his foot and off I went.  My life flashed before my eyes…the trip seemed to last 2 or 3 days….and finally I literally SHOT out of the end of the tube and made a nice sized wave that slapped over into the lazy river.  My sisters and my teenage nephews were at the bottom waiting to see me emerge and what a show they got.  First off….I hit so hard that my rump hit the bottom and I popped out of the water like a dolphin at Sea World.  The bad part is that I forgot to take off my glasses and they were somewhere in this little “tube deposit pool”….I am sputtering and coughing, pointing frantically at my eyes,  trying to tell them that I lost my glasses. At the same time the lifeguard is blowing her whistle telling me to move, and all my wonderful family can do is point at me with mouths wide open and laugh.  Ok, now I can laugh with the best of them, but my glasses were gone and I knew I  wouldn’t find my way out of the pool without them.  I was getting so angry that they kept laughing and pointing and refusing to help my find my glasses.  What I failed to realize was that my right “lady part” was hanging out of my suit.  It must have thought it was a flotation device and was trying to save itself when I hit bottom.  Needless to say, I found my glasses, tucked myself back in and got out of the pool to console my poor teenage nephews.  I assured them that age and gravity change “lady parts” and that “lady parts” look better on  girls their own age.  They both gave a big sigh of relief …….

Coming soon…..the dreaded wave pool….ugh…..

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7 responses to “The Forgettable Christmas

  1. Oh Shelly, I so needed this laugh tonight!! Seems that I need all the help I can get lately. So, thank you so much!! Can’t wait to read the rest!!

    Your fan,
    Dawn F.

  2. I laughed just as hard the second time I read this as the first. OMG I can just picture being in that situation. Your blog is awesome.

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